inner discussions

I desperately need to re-theorize my concept of life, it is hard for me to believe that how I was extremely fascinated by emptiness of Nevada desert. I wonder why emptiness drags me all the way to the heart of the desert away from the playful Las Vegas.

I am a dreamer. That’s what I am good at, what I do in every moment of life. A dreamer needs to dream to survive just as man needs to breathe. That’s where problem shows up. Today no dream satisfies my desires. The ultimate image of an architect is very disappointing. Maybe my ambitions have grown so large and vast that no dream can fill this gigantic vacuum caused by that.

Besides that macro scale of thought, there are minor ambitions which are constantly snitching me; Relationship failures, numerous project and frustrating competition deadlines. These, eventually become super tiring elements of my everyday life.

I feel the definite need to develop new goals, theory or life style that would guide me out of this depression disaster or I consciously will lead myself to doom. It is no longer the question of choice, but inevitability.

Cna – April 09